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Privacy was always important
to Sam and Earl. While close
friends and family knew, the couple was understandably cautious about letting
people in Bristow, Oklahoma know that they were in a committed, loving
relationship. But they probably
would never have been the type to march in a gay pride rally anyway. “We had a real nice, quiet life
together,” Sam said. That ended
when Earl died in 2000. Now
Sam is not only facing life without his other half, but also the very real
possibility of losing the home they built and lived in together for 23
years.
At
the beginning of their relationship, Earl moved in with Sam and they started
building a house just across the creek from Earl’s parents’ home. Because Earl had grown up in the area
and was a familiar face in the town of 4,700, they put his name on the mortgage
application, although both men were putting money towards their home. In fact, over the quarter century that
they lived together, Sam put over $200,000 of his own savings and pension money
into the ranch.
It
took several years to finish construction on the Crown M (for Meadows) Ranch,
but after the first few months it was far enough along for Sam, Earl, and Sam’s
three sons to move into the house.
Sam and the boys’ mother had remained close friends after their marriage
ended. She wholeheartedly approved of Sam and Earl’s relationship so much that
not only was she comfortable having them raise the kids, but she also made
frequent visits to stay with the family at the ranch when the boys were
younger.
While Earl’s parents and
Sam’s ex-wife were supportive of the couple, other relatives weren’t as
understanding. Most of them simply
never spoke to the couple. Sam
recalled meeting one of Earl’s cousins at a family gathering several years
ago: “I went to shake his hand and
he did it, but then he wiped his hand on his pants like he’d just touched
something filthy.”
Earl continued to work
full-time in a management position at a local factory, and Sam quit his job to
run the ranch--cleaning, handling plumbing and electrical work, doing laundry,
tending to the animals, gardening, cooking all the meals, and seeing after some
rental houses they had on the property.
Earl drove the children to school on his way to work every day, and Sam
picked them up every afternoon. In
later years, Sam started watching after Earl’s elderly mother, often staying at
her home because she was afraid of being alone at night. Before she died, Sam visited her in the
hospital even on the days when Earl couldn’t get away from work. Viola Meadows considered Sam her
son-in-law and insisted that his sons call her “Grandma.” She often spoke of how she hoped Sam’s
sons would inherit the Crown M Ranch and, indeed, all of the Meadows family’s
land someday.
After Earl had a stroke in
1997, Sam became his primary caregiver.
Although they lived less than 30 miles away, none of Earl’s blood
relatives helped out in any way.
Sam cared for him all day every day, feeding him and making sure he took
his medications properly. When Earl
went to the hospital for the last time in September of 2000, Sam was there every
day, bathing him, shaving him, changing his bedding, and helping him to the
bathroom. Again, none of Earl’s
relatives showed up. After Earl
died, only one of his cousins came to the funeral--and that was only after Sam
had arranged to have the service on a Saturday because she refused to take a day
off work for it.
That didn’t stop that same
cousin and four others--including the man who’d recoiled at shaking hands with
Sam so many years before--from banding together to sue for Sam and Earl’s
property after Earl passed away.
Earl’s intentions were crystal clear--he wrote a will that left
everything to Sam and had it notarized, and even bought Sam a plot so that they
could eventually be buried together near Earl’s parents. But Earl didn’t realize that a will has
to have two witnesses to be valid, so all the properties that were listed
as his-- the house, the ranch, and all the assets--were handed over to the
relatives who hadn’t bothered to speak to Earl for three
decades
In
2005, Sam lost his court battle to hang onto the last remnants of his life with
Earl, whose cousins took the house and ranch that he poured his life into for 23
years. Since losing the ranch, Sam
has moved to nearby Wewoka, Oklahoma, where he lives in a one-bedroom home.
